Communication Tool for Creating Family Rules

Communication Tool for Creating Family Rules

After one of my communications workshops at the Florida Recreation and Parks Association, Barbie Van Camp, CTRS, CPRP, from St. Petersburg Parks and Recreation approached me with a great tool for creating family rules. She learned it from working with the Girl Scouts, and it’s a simple way to improve communication between family members and provide a structure to help families function better.

If used correctly, having Family Rules will keep conflict to a minimum.

How it Works

  1. Get your family together.
  2. Grab a sheet of poster board.
  3. As a family, come up with family rules and record them. Give each rule a separate number.
  4. As a family, vote upon the consequences of breaking those rules.  When possible, let the kids come up with the consequences.  (Barbie mentioned that more often than not, the consequences the kids come up with will be much harsher than those the adults design.)
  5. Post the rules on your front door and read them together often. Also discuss if they need to change or if the consequences need modification.

If your child breaks the family rules, you say, “Oh, I see you are (state what they are doing).”

Then ask, “What rule was that? (1, 2, etc.)?” After reading the rule aloud, then ask, “And what are the consequences?”

If there is resistance, remind them that they agreed to the rules and consequences and they are expected to hold themselves accountable.

Why it Works

The brilliance of this tool is in its transparency. Most (dare I say, all) families have rules, but they are rarely written down for both child(ren) and parent(s) to refer to. Think about your child(ren)’s classroom– on the first day of school, teachers sit down with your kid(s) and write down all the rules and expectations and post them where they can be seen by everyone. When a student breaks one of the rules, there are no surprises, because the expectations and consequences are clear.

Writing down the family rules will keep everyone on the same page, and in a co-parent household it is especially useful. You and your co-guardian(s) will be better able to respond to misbehavior consistently and with minimal conflict– fingers-crossed.

The act of writing down the family rules also demonstrates that they won’t change arbitrarily and your family is committed to the same goals; if phones aren’t allowed at the dinner table, that includes your devices, too.

Including your child(ren) in the decision-making process is equally important. Research shows that when individuals have a say in creating accountability measures, they are much more likely to take responsibility when they commit an infraction. If you allow your child(ren) to contribute, they’ll be that much more inclined to own up to breaking a rule and accept the consequences without your enforcement.

Try this simple exercise today and see how quickly your communication, with your child(ren) and co-parent(s), improves.

family rules

Dr. Susanne Gaddis
The Communications Doctor
web: 
www.CommunicationsDoctor.com
email: 
gaddis@CommunicationsDoctor.com
phone: 
919-933-3237


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